Self-Worth & Chronic Illness

Merriam Webster’s Online Dictionary defines self-worth as “a sense of one’s own value as a human being”. In other words, your self-esteem. When you have a Chronic illness, often times your self-worth takes a beating. Your body has changed. In many cases, your abilities have changed. It’s difficult to bear, acknowledge and know that others see it too. It hurts. And it can be embarrassing. But that doesn’t mean you are less of a person. Sometimes, your weaknesses, i.e. disease, limitations, etc., awaken other talents. They offer perspective that you never had before. Both are positive things. The question is: How do you see yourself? Do you feel that you are less of a person, because of your diagnosis? Less capable? Less valuable? Do you view your self-worth for what it really is, or do you literally allow a condition to play tricks on you? Do you degrade yourself? Only you know the answer. So, take a moment to reflect and be honest with yourself.

 

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“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”      — Mother Teresa

 

Millions have heard of the tiny nun from Calcutta who was known simply as Mother Teresa. When she followed her religious call, she hit the ground running. She founded a school — small but effective. In 1946, she founded the Missionaries of Charity. Yet, Mother Teresa did not stop there. She kept on going. Her decades of compassionate work with the needy of the world earned her a 1979 Nobel Prize, in Humanitarianism. In 2016, less than a decade after her demise, she was canonized by the Roman Catholic Church as Saint Teresa. Even in death, her work lives on. In fact, there are 700 missions in 130 countries — all are the result of the actions of this one woman. They are providing soup kitchens for the hungry, family assistance centers, orphanages, schools and hospitals. And they are operating homes for people who suffer with Chronic diseases like leprosy, AIDS and tuberculosis. But what most people don’t know is that Mother Teresa herself suffered from a Chronic illness (Heart Disease).

Now, you probably aren’t aspiring to earn a Nobel Prize. And that’s okay. My personal feeling is that Mother Teresa wasn’t trying to get one, either. She was merely doing the work that she loved to do. The work, or service, that she felt compelled to do. No doubt, she had the grace of God with her. And she was doing great things. Still, she had to have bad days. With any Chronic illness, those are inevitable. But she didn’t let anything slow her down, for long … not even her condition. She persisted, long before the term was mainstreamed by the feminist movement. She made goals and she went after them. The woman truly lived. Which brings me back to your self-worth …

Despite your Chronic illness, you are significant. Precious. Important to others. Your vocation, whatever it may be, is important too. You have the ability to teach, inspire through words and example, lead, love, work, etc. Your resume, education, achievements, etc. haven’t changed. Your health has. Your life isn’t over, because of a diagnosis. You are just writing a new chapter!  And it just may be one of the most fascinating yet!

So when your disease gets you down, keep your perspective. Think of it as a rain-delay … not the end of the game. Stay optimistic. Be tenacious. Fight the good fight. Manage your Chronic illness. Do the things you enjoy doing — the things you want to do! Set a few goals. You may even want to jot them down. Put your list on the fridge. Then, work toward attaining them. Never underestimate yourself, or your worth. Value it, daily. And live your life to the very fullest!

May God Bless …

 

Reference Links:

https://www.biography.com/religious-figure/mother-teresa

https://www.upi.com/Archives/1991/12/30/Mother-Teresa-hospitalized-with-serious-illness/5258694069200/

https://academic.oup.com/eurheartjsupp/article/6/suppl_E/E2/455705

https://www.motherteresa.org/about.html

 

*Photo by Jimmy Chang on Unsplash 

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Finding That Silver Lining …

Believe it or not, there are silver linings that come with having a Chronic illness. You may not readily spot them, upon onset of your disease. It may take a while. But, rest assured, they are there. For me, personally, it came through enduring five years and eight months of chemotherapy. Even now, just typing the sentence gives me pause. Five years and eight months? Yes, I freaking did that!

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The old me, or pre-chemo me, was a driven perfectionist. I had to be the best, at literally everything, i.e. writer, mother, wife, daughter, neighbor, etc. I had to do better. I pushed myself physically, emotionally and professionally. Each morning began at 4 a.m., even on vacation. I would cycle 5-10 miles. Next, I made breakfast & got the rest of the house going. With them out the door on time, I took a shower and sat down in my home office. There was research to do … rough drafts … final drafts … queries … phone calls, etc. And heaven forbid, if I suffered a little writer’s block. If that wasn’t demanding enough, I had to volunteer. I had to cook and bake like a master chef. I had to have the perfect garden bursting with blooms. Looking back, I wonder how my poor husband maintained his sanity. It had to, occasionally, drive him a little crazy. Yet, he never complained. He was as laid-back and relaxed as I was tightly wired. But change was coming.

Two days after my 50th birthday, I was smacked with reality. Or should I say my diagnosis? While still sitting in the exam room, trying to grasp the situation, my doctor began to talk about immediately starting chemo. It was surreal — like a bad dream. Yet, it was happening. My life, health, everything was turned upside down, in that moment. For those who have experienced it, you know what I mean.

Chemotherapy, no matter what you are being treated for, is a brutal journey. The drugs used can do harm as well as good. And the side-effects — OMG! For me, the nausea and vomiting was intense. At times, it took my husband and son to hold me up. Then, the fatigue would hit — days of it. By the time this subsided, it was time for another treatment. I lived in my pajamas and rarely left the house. My hair became thin and half of my eyebrows fell out. My body became sensitive to hot weather and cold. I began sleeping with a heating-pad, even in the summer. I couldn’t do research, or write. I didn’t even have the strength to sit at my desk, let alone be productive. Every ounce of me was fighting something bigger and stronger. And survival became my sole focus. I lived one day at a time. There were no lofty ambitions, no grand dreams, or fanciful plans. 

Yet, in that painful and mundane existence, I found my silver lining … a new perspective. One that is kinder and gentler. Dare I say it? More reasonable. One that makes living more worthwhile.

The new, or post-chemo, me is motivated by joy. I don’t sweat the small stuff, anymore. It’s a waste of time and energy. The new me is content to simply do her best, whether it’s perfect or not. I now realize what is most important is my happiness. I have become even more trusting of my faith. I am more compassionate and more understanding. I’m a blogger and speaker, because it allows me to write about and support issues that truly interest me. Those that can be helpful to others. The kind that stir passion. Perhaps, inspire? I even returned to the business-sector where I work part-time, for an international company. A change in scenery and/or pace never hurts. It can be pretty interesting … even exciting … without a corner-office. The ability to work is gratifying in itself. I don’t need to climb the ladder of success to be content. I end most days, with the zen of Tai Chi. I volunteer, if and when I can. If I can’t, I don’t beat myself up about it. Believe it or not, saying, “No” can be very therapeutic. The result is a more fulfilling life with less demands and less stress. More family time. More me-time. More smiles and laughter. I love myself and who I am.

In our deepest adversities, we actually grow — mentally and emotionally. It doesn’t take a PhD to realize this. Eventually, it dawns on you. We discover things about ourselves that we never knew. We conquer problems that we never imagined possible. We manage our illnesses and we live. And, in the midst of it all, we find a silver lining. I know that I have.

God Bless …

 

Reference Links:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/chemotherapy/about/pac-20385033

*Photo by Jason Kocheran on Unsplash

When All Else Fails, Pray …

Often times, we wait until our situation is in dire straits before we pray. Why is that? Scripture doesn’t teach us to reserve prayer for such times. It encourages us to do just the opposite — continual prayer. So, why our hesitation? No doubt, the reasons are varied. Yet, prayer has proven time and again to be the answer. It’s even caught the eye of those in the medical community. In fact, research on the subject has nearly doubled in the last decade. And their results may surprise you!

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“Pray without ceasing.”      — 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (KJ21)

When a person engages in prayer, the body and mind change gears. Consider, for a moment, meditation (the Buddhist form of prayer). During meditation, the patient is in deep concentration. This triggers activity in the brain’s parietal lobe circuits — ones that control a person’s orientation of self and world. A relaxation envelopes the person. The limbic system is activated. This controls relaxation, the nervous system, heart rate and blood pressure. As a result, the person’s brain registers everything as emotionally significant. They are more relaxed. Strengthened. They feel better — inspired even. Prayer, no matter the religion, has similar effects on the body. Perhaps, it is our God-given ability to heal? And perhaps, it’s why Scripture encourages us to pray often?

Research tells us that traditional religious beliefs play a positive role in our health. Over 1,200 studies conducted on the effects of prayer, reveal that religious individuals lead healthier lives. These people are less likely to abuse alcohol, to smoke, etc. Other interesting study statistics include: 

  • The non-religious have an average hospital-stay that is three times longer than those who worship regularly.
  • Non-religious heart patients were 14 times more likely to die after surgery.
  • In Israel, the religious had a 40% lower death rate from cardiovascular disease and cancer.
  • People who are religious are less likely to suffer from depression. And when they do become depressed, they recover more quickly.

Today, some in the medical community consider prayer a part of CAM (Contemporary and Alternative Medicine). This is a combination of natural products, mind and body practices, etc. In easier terms, think dietary supplements, herbal remedies, prayer, meditation, relaxation and art therapies, chiropractic, massage, etc. But many remain skeptics. Research is still in its infancy, on the subject of prayer and healing. We have a lot to learn.

In my life, I have prayed for my own health as well as the health of others. I’ve witnessed amazing results and those that seemed slow to come. And I have never been disappointed. I’ve asked, “Why?” Who hasn’t? Sometimes, the unknown is the most frustrating aspect to deal with. Still, I know the Lord has been very good to me. Along the way, prayer has taught me many things. I’ve embraced humility. I’ve learned patience and experienced a deeper relationship with the Almighty. All positive. All helpful. Once, following a critical health situation, I actually had a doctor tell me to “Thank the man upstairs”. Little did he know, I already had. And I continue to do so.

Prayer may not sound like the answer. But, in our most desperate times, do we really know what is? Or do we simply want to be heard? Healed? Relieved? To a few, it may sound downright silly. To believers, it makes perfect sense. When we struggle with our worst fears, I think we are like a lost lamb … scared … crying out … in need. And, thankfully, the Good Shepherd can hear us. He answers our call.

 

 

Reference Links:

https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/can-prayer-heal#1

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/alternative-medicine/art-20045267

https://www.mja.com.au/journal/2007/186/10/prayer-medicine-how-much-have-we-learned

https://bmjopen.bmj.com/content/5/6/e007345

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2015/05/07/power-of-prayer/70943182/

*Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

 

 

This Little Light Of Mine …

When I think back to my early childhood, I remember learning this song in Vacation Bible School. I was all of three or four years old. I still remember singing it in front of the congregation. Our teacher had instructed us to hold up our “pretend candles” aka one finger, as we sang. And at 59, I still find this simple little tune to be incredibly uplifting. I think most Christians can relate, which is why I chose it to discuss living with Chronic illness. Sometimes, we allow our diseases to distract us … hold us back … even consume us. If you live with one, you know what I mean. It happens all too often. But, for a moment, let’s focus on making the most of every day … every week … every year. Let’s consider living our lives to the fullest and letting our light really shine!

 

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  “In the same way, let your light shine before others …” — Matthew 5:16 (NIV)

First, accept that change is inevitable. It isn’t your fault that you’re sick. You didn’t ask for it to happen, or want it. But here you are. Your willingness to help yourself is your choice. Making changes to your lifestyle is also your choice. No one can do it for you. And, I know — it’s hard enough just living with your disease. The beauty here is that making changes allows you to feel a measure of control, in what often feels like an uncontrollable situation. And no matter what it specifically entails, change isn’t a bad thing. It’s just different. Healthier even. So, consider what you need to change in order to manage your disease. You might even want to make a list, or keep a journal. Then, take action. Perhaps, you are adding a form of therapy? Maybe, exercise? Or a diet? Your schedule may need some adjustments. You may need to ask for help. By all means, do so. That’s what support systems are for. Talk to your doctor. Stay realistic. Change won’t happen overnight. And patience is a necessity with any Chronic illness. But, slowly, make those changes at a pace that is comfortable for you. Think of it as laying the foundation for your future.

Second, don’t be afraid to set goals or dream. Yes, you have a Chronic illness. But you also have a life. It isn’t over. It’s changing; remember? Despite your diagnosis, you still have interests … pursuits of happiness. We all do. There are things that are gratifying like our careers. And others that we have longed to experience. Perhaps, you’d like to learn a new hobby? Enter a golf tournament? Get more involved in your community or an organization? Maybe, there’s a promotion that you’d like to accept? Or a destination calling your name? While the sky may not be the limit, there are a lot of options available. So, talk to your doctor. A well-managed Chronic illness will allow you to live life to the fullest. You’ll be happier, healthier, more productive, etc. Now, you’re building on that foundation.

Third, stay optimistic. I know it isn’t always easy. Some are naturally pessimistic. Thankfully, optimism can be learned. And, to be honest, it should be. This is one habit that we all can benefit from. Studies have proven, time and again, that optimism plays a positive role on our physical and mental health. Here are a few easy ways to be more optimistic:

  • Stop comparing yourself to others in a competitive way. We’re all unique.
  • Think positive thoughts.
  • Look for the good, even in difficult situations. Silver linings do exist.
  • Focus on positive outcomes. Don’t face a challenge expecting defeat.
  • Consider your own beliefs. What is your definition of purpose? Of life?
  • Strive to improve your health. When you feel better, you are more optimistic.
  • Challenge your mind every day, by learning something new. It helps to provide personal satisfaction.

Last but not least … I can attest that every change that I’ve made, either to my lifestyle or surroundings, has yielded positive results. This includes a couple of things that I was initially very skeptical about. While there are no guarantees in life, not mine or yours, there are options. Live fully and let your light shine!

 

 

Reference Links:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/turning-straw-gold/201509/20-tips-living-well-chronic-pain-and-illness

Intensive lifestyle change: It works, and it’s more than diet and exercise

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/ServicesAndSupport/managing-long-term-illness-and-chronic-conditions

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/21st-century-aging/201212/keeping-positive-outlook-when-dealing-chronic-illness

https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=1&contentid=4511

*Photo by Frank McKenna on Unsplash

Great Is Thy Faithfulness …

When life is going well, it’s easy to profess one’s faith. I have heard many do so. And, for the record, I do not doubt their sincerity. They are describing their spiritual journey, thus far. But the real test of faith for anyone comes through difficulties in life. Hardship. Suffering.

God promises us many things. He keeps each and every one. But an all-inclusive membership into some “comfort club” isn’t one of them. Christianity isn’t that. It never has been. In Scripture, He actually warns us of the hard times that will eventually find their way into our lives (John 16:33) and of His own discipline (Hebrews 12:7). Christianity isn’t easy. But it is fulfillment in life … a deeper understanding … a walk with God. And, like the trials we face, it transforms us … molds us … into something greater (Philippians 1:6). The Lord sees to that.

 

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     “I have chosen the way of faithfulness …”  — Psalm 119:30 (NIV)

 

Sometimes as we struggle with a Chronic illness, or watch a loved one do so, it’s difficult to see a reason or worthwhile purpose. It’s hard to imagine that any measure of good can ever come from it. Yet, the Apostle Paul tells us that it’s possible for good to come from horrific things (Romans 8). Imagine that.

Our suffering may seem too long, or unnecessary. We may wonder, “Why, Lord?” Doubts may eat away at us. That’s not unusual. We are all human. And fear is a powerful thing. Still, we wait … we pray … we trust. We cling to our faith, because we believe that God keeps His promises. When it would be easy to ask, “Why me?”, we know the more correct question is “Why not me?” No matter how difficult, or how long the road may be, we are not alone. The Lord is with us. We will get through it … each of us … because great is our faithfulness.

 

Reference Links:

*Photo by Samuel Martins on Unsplash.

Consider His Footprints In Your Life …

Most Christians have heard of the prose “Footprints In The Sand”, written by Mary Stevenson in the 1930’s. They may own a copy. It has appeared on many plaques, mugs, t-shirts, etc., over the years. It’s authorship has even been debated. But, for a moment, let’s stick to the message of the poem — not marketing or legal wrangling. The poet reflecting upon her life, asks the Lord, why He wasn’t walking with her through the most difficult of times. And He responds, “The Times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you.”

Wow! For any Christian, those words are profound. Scripture teaches us, in Deuteronomy 31:6, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified … for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” But have you ever stopped to reflect upon how this verse applies to your life? Have you stopped to consider the times, as the poem describes, where just one set of footprints can be seen? How many times has the Lord carried you through the sand of life?

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For many, it’s easier to forget the worst of times than to reflect upon them. They stick the bad and ugly, in a tightly locked box … somewhere in the back of their memory … safe and out-of-the-way. It’s not that they aren’t grateful. It is how they cope. But when you live with a Chronic illness, the struggle can be overwhelming … frustrating … even depressing … for long periods of time. Most of these patients don’t have the luxury of tucking the worst of moments away and forgetting. They live with the initial struggle, daily. Then, there are complications that add to that struggle. The setbacks can seem endless. Scary. Lonely. At such times, even the most devout of Christians may wonder if the Lord has abandoned them.

Does the latter describe how you or a loved one is feeling? If it does, I encourage you to read Mary’s poem. Imagine your life as footprints in the sand — the Lord’s footprints right beside your own. Imagine that long stretch of beach. Sometimes, the sand is warm and enjoyable. The kind that you want to wiggle your toes in. Other times, it feels cold and hard. Unpleasant. Perhaps, it’s even painful to walk on? And then, if you will, consider how many times there was just one set of footprints. His footprints.

The Lord was there, in the worst of times. He has carried both you and me. Not just once or twice. His presence wasn’t fleeting, in our lives. He’s been there for us, many times — taking us through our trials and tribulations … rejoicing in our triumphs. Even when our faith was shaken, the Lord has been there every step of the way. And He will continue to be there … taking this journey called life with us … and carrying us if need be. His strength has lifted us … guided us through our darkest moments. He has answered our prayers … calmed our fears. We weren’t alone. We can see His footprints in the sand. When we needed him, He was with us. And He is with us, now. If you are like me, that knowledge will give you the courage to keep going … to keep walking … to keep fighting every hardship. Warmer sand lies ahead. He will get us there. May God Bless …

 

Reference Links:

http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php

*Photo by Christopher Sardegna on Unsplash

Happy New Year!

As the fireworks were bursting in the night sky, what were you thinking last night? It’s 2019! What will the future bring? What should you do? What will you do? Deep questions. Most of us become reflective, with the New Year — even ambitious. Millions make New Year’s resolutions. And, sadly, most people let them slip away. If you are one of the millions who have suffered that defeat, or failure as it is often perceived, you know the burden that comes with it. Hurt. Anger. Frustration. Possibly depression. Nobody needs that added stress. It simply isn’t healthy.

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In 2019, consider a new approach. Let this be the year that you make a list of your accomplishments, in 2018. Or perhaps, a list of 4-5 things that you are looking forward to in 2019? You could even think beyond yourself and think of others instead. When we donate our time, or a monetary donation, we not only help those in need … we help ourselves as well. Research studies have actually shown that when we give of ourselves through volunteering, or a donation, we feel better. It makes us happier. Volunteerism can reduce stress, offer fulfillment, boost your self-confidence, even combat depression. It can help us improve our social skills, provide a different setting for networking, make new friends. All are a plus! When we think of others, i.e. non-profits, community, places of worship, etc., we actually improve our own health and skills. Imagine that! And who doesn’t want better health or happiness in 2019? I know that I do. Best wishes and new discoveries to all!

 

 

Reference Links:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/volunteering-and-its-surprising-benefits.htm/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-science-willpower/201212/five-things-you-can-do-instead-new-year-s-resolutions

*Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash